Nothing and no one is going to do it for you! The time is right now! It amazes me how many people have dreams and aspirations and they’re still waiting for the right moment for it to happen. It will never happen if you don’t make it happen 🙂 I really should put an exclamation point at the end of that last sentence but for some reason I felt like putting a 🙂 because I feel like it’s an inside joke that’s not really a joke it’s actually really very serious. People are hoping and waiting for their dreams to come true and the truth of the matter is dreams never come true without hard work, discipline and consistency. I just left a meeting that was put on my schedule yesterday even though I already have a busy schedule but I knew it was important for me to go because it will help me to continue to build my dreams. That meeting will help my dreams come true. Before I got 100% focused on my goals, I would make excuses why I could not do something instead of making reasons why I could do something. The time is right now I don’t know how old you or I don’t know what the conditions are around you but every day that goes by you’re one day closer to your dreams coming true if you make it happen. Set your sights, get a plan and execute. The time is now!!
I believe you. I know you are telling the truth. It happened. You are not crazy. Your story matters.
When I was a child my siblings and I experienced abuse in all it’s many forms. We were told “what happens in this house stays in this house.” We were told to lie to social workers and law enforcement. My parents would argue and fight and then when the police got involved they lied and manipulated the system. There were times that the police were at our house multiple times per month. My father seriously acts like it never happened.
My father would come to our room in the middle of the night, get my sister out of bed and sexually abuse her and then act like nothing happened once he was confronted about his behavior. My dad would beat and abuse my mom and then leave for work only to come back with bags full of groceries and a smile on his face and behaving like nothing happened.
All of this happened yet my father convinced many neighbor’s, relatives and friends that it never happened. He is now married to a woman that he cheated on my mom with and even she is under the illusion that it never happened.
So why am I being so specific and sharing this more explicitly now and forever? I am doing this because after a conversation yesterday with my dad’s wife I saw how powerful lies and gaslighting can be. There are people’s whose lives have been destroyed because of people like my father. There are people living in quiet desperation because no one believes their story and they are tired of trying to tell their story only for their truth to be dismissed or swept under a rug. I am going to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth because people are dying and the cover ups and lies have to stop.
I know I am only one person but maybe just maybe if I tell the truth it will give others the opportunity to get help and get out of a horrible situation. I know what it is like to be in the grocery store and see a young girl with that “sad” look in her eyes because she can’t articulate what is happening to her body behind closed doors. I know what it looks like when a teenage girl is always acting “too fast” for her age because it is the only way she gets attention and affection. I know what it is like to feel the inner turmoil of an overweight girl that does well in school, is pleasant enough and well mannered but can’t quite find her place in the world because of the inner emotional detachment she has developed for survival. I know what it’s like to be beautiful, popular and seemingly happy yet feeling like a fraud because you are really unhappy at home. I know what it feels like when the only place you find joy is at school with your friends where no one touches you without consent and no one hits you.
You may ask am I mad, upset or angry and I can honestly say that at this very moment I am not. I am actually relieved. I am at peace and my father has been forgiven many years ago. I speak to him with no animosity in my heart. This post is not about him…this post is a love letter of support for all the girls, boys, women and men that have been abused and then told “it never happened.”
My dad is 82 and he is living a peaceful life with a woman that adores him because she too has been gaslighted into believing that nothing from our childhood ever happened. Believe it or not I am ok with her being delusional because he needs someone to take care of him and I believe that there is some good that he has shown her that allows her to believe his lies. I know from experience that the truth will not affect him or her in a negative way because they live in a constant state of deliberate delusion that allows their relationship to exist and keeps them happy together.
This is not about him or them. This is about you or someone you know that needs their voice to be heard. I have heard the crys at night. I have seen and felt the tears. I know the anger and frustration of not feeling like you are seen or heard. I lived it. I know what happened to you is real. It really did happen and your story will be told and I believe you.
Now is the best time to do it! Sometimes we assume that we can’t pursue our dreams if we don’t have all our ducks in a row. I would like to submit to you that we will achieve our dreams and goals sooner if we start right where we are.What was that look like? Example: If my dream is to buy an apartment complex and yet I do not have the resources (money or credit) to buy one then I can at least start looking at apartment complexes. I sign up for commercial newsletters for companies that sell apartment complexes. I can reach out to property management companies to find get information on managing properties. I can look at the resources and figure out how to position myself to buy one. I can put plans on paper in order to visualize what my goals are. I can audit my talents, skills and abilities to figure out what I can do to make more money. I can run the numbers to create a budget for buying an apartment complex. I can read real estate books, go to auctions and join organizations that are helpful to property owners. The idea is to start moving towards your dreams and goals regardless of where you are right now.Read and consume content that will encourage you to be productive. Start today. Sit down and write out what you want your life to look like. Make you the priority in your life. I have found that it is much easier to achieve my goals when I take care of myself. I am a better business woman, wife and mother when I take take care of myself and focus on my goals.What does focusing on my goals in real life looks like? I now walk 30 minutes a days even if it is at some weird hour of the day. I come home and make phone calls to my clients. I tell my kids “mommy needs 20 minutes of uninterrupted time” and they will (generally) respect that request:). I go to sleep listening to The Science of Getting Rich. I write out my goals every morning and every night.The world needs you. If you have a goal or dream and you achieve it that inspires other people to pursue their goals and dreams. It is becoming increasingly easier to plan out our lives in such a way that we can achieve our hearts desires because there are so many great tools and information out there. But those tools and information don’t mean anything if we don’t use it.My prayer is that you will read this short post in stock right now to start working on your dreams and goals.
This is normal…I went down 2lbs in the last few days and this morning I was up 1lb but my clothes feel loser. It is not healthy nor is it recommended that you weigh yourself everyday and I will or course not do that anymore after the end of this month when I am finally out of the 200’s. Be good to yourself and have an amazing day!
So here we go…I forgot to weigh this morning because my daughter was running late for swim practice so I jumped out of bed in my jammies and took her to school for swim practice. Then I went to breakfast with my younger daughter. I started out with avocado toast and coffee however I did get a slice of her French Toast…yummy but not in line with my goals. Hey, but at least I am starting off with day 2 of consistently writing about this journey. Now I must go do a little work.
We all can do better. I will continue to reach out to hurting people. I will continue to speak up on social media. I will continue to work hard. I will continue to volunteer and seek more opportunities to volunteer. I know I can do better. I can reach out to people with views that differ from mine. I can speak up against injustice in my community. I can make sure I help people get to the voting booth. I can say I love you to more people. I can get off of the phone and listen a little more. I can exercise more. I can do better.
We can do better and we have to do better. What is happening now is a result of years of neglect to our educational system, rural areas and poor communities. We have neglected women and we have vilified Black men and White men. Not all Black men are unemployed misogynistic criminals and not all White men are racist misogynistic white supremist. People that are hurting or feel misunderstood will many times cling to anything and anyone that will give them hope (even it doesn’t make sense to you or I). Your neighbor that helped you, dined with you and supported you and your dreams is also the same person that may have voted differently than you did. Please listen to them. People are hurting. People are feeling misunderstood. We can do better.
Yes, we can do better. Yes, there are people that are racist. Yes, there are people that are rapist. Yes, there are people that lie on both sides and from all walks of life. Yes, the bad people and I do mean really bad and hateful people do exist. They exist but they are not the majority. Most people are good. I believe in the good and I will stand up against the bad. We forgot how powerful a hug and a smile can be. We forgot how important it is to be nice. I am going to fight against hate by embracing love and compassion. I will speak up against hurtful rhetoric by pointing out the good in us all. When possible I will ask “why do you hate me” and I will hopefully help them discover a reason to love me.