Update

Lost 2lbs and officially vegan…for real….Not veganish….but actually vegan. Not for weight loss but because I feel better and think better when I eat this way. Peace, love and joy!

This food thing

I love food however something has shifted in me. I had a green smoothie for breakfast, a salmon burger for lunch and I will have a green smoothie for dinner. I am not struggling to do this. This is actually what I am craving. For a week I have not had American food because I was in another country and now my cravings for salt and sugar have subside. Food is my buddy however I am more comfortable realizing that food is really just fuel and if I put good fuel in my body I will have sustained energy. I will also have better mental clarity through out the day. It is amazing how when you actually make a decision and make a mental shift things become clearer and easier. This food thing is real❤️

This Evening

I am sitting at home this Sunday evening and feeling thankful for the life that I have been blessed with. There are moments that are unpleasant that I am compelled to share in the hopes that somehow my crazy experiences will make a difference in someone’s life. However there are every day somewhat mundane moments that I take for granted because I somehow loose perspective of how powerful and life changing those moments are. The mundane everyday moments have only been made possible through hard work, dedication and consistency. These mundane moments are where my life is at it’s best. These powerful mundane moments consist of big hugs from my girls after I make their favorite breakfast or watching my husband sleep on the couch with my feet sitting in his lap as I sit stretched out on the couch watching CBS Sunday morning. My powerful mundane moments are watching my one of my crew members walk a senior past a pile of tree debris to make sure she does not fall or getting a hug from a thankful customer for a job well done. One of my favorite mundane moments is dropping off and picking up my girls at school.  I know that these may not seem like powerful moments but they are just as powerful and inspiring as me overcoming child abuse, depression and betrayal. These moment s are powerful because they resulted from sacrifices made along the way. These moments are powerful because I am now at a point in my life where I can actually breath and be thankful for these moments. I am mentally clear enough to understand that these are not just mundane moments.  These moments are a reward for a life well lived and progress being made towards a better future that is not held back by my past. I have more progress to make in my life however I believe a beautiful life starts with being aware of how far you have come regardless of how much further you have to go.

I have also learned that there is no there. There is only here and now. What do I mean? At some point along the way I stopped to take a breath. I had to stop because I was getting tired and my mental and physical health were starting to suffer. Once I stopped, I looked around and realized that even though I had mentally, physically and spiritually overcome my challenging childhood I felt like I was still running from something or running to something. I wanted to succeed so that life would not hurt anymore. I was not hurting but I was tired. I asked myself “what are you doing?” My answer back was that I was trying to “get there.” I kept thinking that one day I would get “there.” Then I asked myself “what does there look like?” In my mind there was a place where I would not get hit anymore and that my mom would not get hit anymore. There was a place where I would just love my job and be happy doing what I do. There was working with people that I like. There was a place far from my childhood and closer to happiness. There was a place where I made a lot of money.

I was there but I was still running but life made me stop to think. No one was hitting me, no one was hitting my mom, I love my job and the people I work with.  I make a great income.  I am far from my childhood and I am happy because along the way I learned that happiness is a choice and my happiness comes from within. I did the work, I was happy so why was I still running. I was running because I had a new “there.” The new “there” was becoming debt free, saving more money, houses in multiple locations, exotic travel, writing and media opportunities. I sat and thought about that and then I realized that once I got there with those goals that my new “there” was being a awesome grandma one day, time with charity organizations, teaching, playing guitar with other seniors for fun, building retreats for active adults and seniors and once I got “there” then what. Well then if I get “there” then, well then what…well then I would work on my legacy, find a way to transition peacefully, make sure my paperwork is in order and there is no fighting over who gets what because hopefully my kids and colleagues are emotionally healthy and will not fight over stuff. There is no “there.” There is only now. Live now. Have goals, that is a good thing however live your life now. I know there are many people that are still running and I think at some point early on you have to run just to jump start the process.  However one day you realize that this whole life is a process and if you can get in the flow with the process then life starts to unfold in a natural healthy manner. I do have to continue working on my goals and achieving success, the difference now is that I am not chasing a moving target. I have what I need right now even though I do not have every “thing” that I want. I am happy. I am here. I am here because I realize that there is no “there.” There is only here. Welcome to here. Now lets have some fun and enjoy the powerful mundane.