Thankful for the pain:)

I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for my business
I am thankful for my ability to persist
I am thankful for my life….

The pain and the process…there are some people that just get it. They make fewer mistakes. They make a plan and follow with very few distractions…that is not my story.

The pain:

My father was an abusive ass. My dad was charismatic and funny. My dad was a lying delusional idiot. My dad was a very intelligent and resourceful person.  I am thankful for the pain of growing up with a father that was a living example of Dr. Jeckl and Mr. Hyde. Why because being in that environment allowed me to know what I did and did not want in a husband.  Growing up in that environment also allowed me to be sensitive to other people that come from abusive situations but it also provided me with the insight that, if we choose, we can have a better future if we make better choices.

The pain:

We had the opportunity to grow up in a decent socioeconomic environment but we also had parents that did not manage money well. I was introduced to the mlm industry where I had great mentors but I also was introduced to some of the sleziest people you could ever meet.  I was also introduced to some of the smartest,  kindest and successful people.  I learned the value and importance of building wealth. I dedicated 7 years of my life to a company that eventually wound up in the toilet.  Painful.  But seeing that happen inspired me to REALLY start my own business. Thankful!

The pain:

Watching my dad go to work every day and work from sun up to sundown, regardless of the weather or circumstances, instilled in me a strong work ethic. My dad making us work with him as elementary aged children instilled resentment which turned into fond memories with my sisters and brother.  Being dedicated to a marketing company that was environmentally conscious gave me a bigger appreciation for the planet we call home.  Working with a company that instilled the importance of hard work,  consistency and vision helped me to keep going even when times got hard.  Watching that company become a cest pool of lies and manipulation helped me to discover the type of people that I did not want to be around.  The pain was worth it. The pain had a purpose.  I am happy now because God gave me the strength to overcame the pain and for that I am thankful!

I love being a wife

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Call me crazy, call me old fashioned, call me antiquated, call me antifeminist(I’m not)….I call me happy.  I am an entrepreneur however I am also a wife, mom and just a plain ole’ woman:)  There are days in my business where I do not have to be up early and instead of getting up frantically with my husband to get the girls ready I can lay in bed a little longer. I lay there and watch my husband come back from his shower all fresh and clean with his body glistening with water and his hair damp on his head and his towel wrapped around his waist. I watch him…I watch him drop the towel….and proceed to put his clothes on while nonchalantly asking me about the jobs we have on the schedule.  Sometimes he will drop the towel and ask “do we have time”…knowing that we don’t and the kids are up and in the other room but it brings a smile to my sleepy face.

I love the feeling that I get thinking about how hard he works to make sure our family is ok. I love knowing that even though he sometimes doesn’t understand the mental pressure that I am under that he does know I hate to do dishes and he does them more often than not.  I feel taken care of, loved, appreciated and admired.

Omg!!! He makes me so mad sometimes because we think so different.  I am the “we are gonna do this” person and he is the “how are we going to do this” person. I am the “just do it” person and he is the “where are the resources to do it” person.  This has been the case since the beginning of our relationship and it is the reason I am still sane and it is also the reason he has more fun in his life.

I love that warm and comfy feeling I get when he spoons me.  I love that flutter in my heart when I hear the garage open signaling he is home.  I love having a loving father for my children.  I love that even though I work outside the home there are just some things that I just don’t and don’t have to do…i.e. fix things, take out the trash, get up when there is a strang sound in the middle of the night and pick up heavy stuff.

I love being a wife. Why would a guy want to be with or marry a woman whose mantra is “I don’t need a man.”  Words are powerful.  In reality we all can figure out how to get along without a partner in life but life is so much sweeter with someone to love and someone who loves you.

I know some people have had love and lost it or maybe something happened to their special person but those memories of their loved one is still special.  I pray that everyone finds love and that that love will endure forever.

I love being still in love after 12 years of marriage.  Happy Valentines Day Morgan!

Oatmeal!

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Oatmeal with raisins, bee pollen, sliced almonds and almond milk this morning and since I will not be near the gym today in between jobsites I am going to take a 30 minute walk.  Tony Robbins said people feel better when they are making progress. I must admit that I have made very little progress but I have made some progress.  I am making a concerted effort to stay focuses on my goals. I will not beat my self up for only making a little progress and I am working on my emotional triggers for eating.  It is a little frustrating because I really wish I was “there” already. I am choosing not to think about weight. I am focusing on living and eating healthy and clean.  Have a rocking day!

Trust, Believe, Have Faith

Remember yesterday when I said the day ended on a crappy note….well today ended on a great note. Everything fell into place. What did I do to make that happen….nothing!

Let me clarify. I was so despondent about some news I got last night and I just did not know what to do to fix the situation.  All I could do was put the situation in God’s hands and believe that everything will work out for the best and it did.  I trust God, Spirit, Universe or whatever name you want to give the divine power that exists in and all around us.  God is my word of choice.   All I know is that sometimes when you don’t have the answer and you are tired of trying then the best thing to do is to let go of the situation and believe the best solution will come out in the end even if you don’t know how. I assure you it will.  My heart is happy and my spirit is light and I am feeling really thankful.  Trust, believe, have faith and everything will work out:)

What I remember….

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I was born in 1968 so I was not around when the foundation was laid for the rights I have now. But growing up in the city of St. Louis in the 70’s and 80’s this is what I remember.

I remember my grandmother told me that it was important to save for a rainy day and she owned her home.

I remember neighbors watching out for one another.

I remember my dad standing up for what he believed in

I remember my dad owned his own business

I remember civil rights leaders ACTUALLY doing something….meaning that even though we lived in the city many minorities had opportunities that were created within the community

I remember we went to one of my great aunts salon to get our hair done because she owned her own salon

I also remember getting my hair done at home

I remember getting shoes on sale

I remember the pride we had when one of us did well or accomplished something

I remember pimps in the neighborhood but everyone knew that was not the way out

I remember prostitutes but they weren’t glamorized unless it was a blacksploitation movie

I remember community leaders actually being interested in the community

I remember it being ok and even admired if you moved on up….you were not called a sell out

I remember fathers

I remember grandmothers that were 65 and older not 35 to 50 years old

I remember it was not cool if you made a mistake…it wasn’t “cool now I get another check”

I remember people afraid to go to jail. Not tattoo their number on their face

I remember teachers,  post office workers, government employees, trash collectors, maids and  house keepers were not looked down on but they were honorable jobs that allowed children to get into better schools or neighborhoods or at least it paid the bills

I remember my family getting together for bbqs

I remember my grandmother on my mother’s side OWNED a tavern and property. 

I remembered men who worked full time jobs and still come home and did mechanics work on the side

I remember pride

I remember the horrors of poverty and the pride of one day doing better.  I remember the abuse and I remember the strength I gained from unspoken heros in the community that allowed me to escape

I live with hope that the embers of the fires that brought us this far will be stoked so that the next generation can see the greatness they came from and not the ashes that cause people to believe that all the good days are behind us.  Great days are ahead of us and great days are happening right now if we choose to “remember. “

Beautiful People Beautiful World

Right now at this minute I am witnessing the beauty and the awesomeness of this world we live in. My friend suggested we take our girls ice skating and I thought “sure that sounds like a great idea.” I was not thinking about the fact that I do not like being cold but alas I am here and I am happy. I am not happy because all my “stuff” is fixed. No! The reason I am happy is because I am seeing the truth of my reality.  There are Black, White, Asian, Latino,  Gay, Straight and everything in between enjoying themselves.  They are smiling, laughing,  falling, getting up, slipping and sliding, bumping into each other and yet peaceful enjoying time together.  Many diverse friendship groups all enjoying themselves.  This is the world I choose to live. Yes there are horrible things that happen that we as a society have to live with and work on but as a whole this is an absolutely amazing world, especially when I think of how far we have come(all people). I look with love

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at the beautiful people around us and I pray with an open heart for the injustices in the world. I wish much peace, love, tolerance,  education,  empathy and sympathy to the beautiful people in this beautiful world. Rock On!!!